Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
