you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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