he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
