He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
