May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
