so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
