Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
