so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
