I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
