Who wears a wallet chain?!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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