Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
