I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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