Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
