i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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