Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
