I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
