M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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