do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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