My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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