I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
