are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
