If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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