blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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