This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
