the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
