did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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