I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
