I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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