Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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