I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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