OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
