making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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