it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you never un-have a 4some
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
