I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
