A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
