I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
