well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
