the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
