I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
