so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
