are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
