My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
