The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
