Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
