Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
