Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
3 2 1 whiskey
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
