I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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