Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
