Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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