this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
